Read all of my musings of the world, unedited.
Six days ago, I wrote the following sentence in the notes app of my cell phone:
If someone walks out of your life, LET THEM.
And I believed it.
And then I spent a week missing someone who walked out of my life a long, long time ago.
So, it's fair to say I've been super super nostalgic this week.
As personal as I've been on this page, I don't talk about my love life a whole lot. I know most of my readers, and I don't want this space to become like a gossip blog or me b*tching about my problems. But this week, I want to talk about relationships, so buckle up.
In an earlier post, I talked about how I used to love to make plans for myself. I always thought I would be MARRIED (married, not even engaged) by 25. I wanted to have a baby by the time I was 30. I wanted to start a family and be a mom literally as soon as possible. It seems like maybe God (or whatever higher power you might believe in) has a different plan for me. At first, that really bothered me. The obsessively compulsive side of my brain would agonize over not hitting those benchmarks I had set for myself over the years. I felt like I was failing because I wasn't actively dating people like some of my friends were.
If you know me, and you don't even have to know me well to know this part about me, you know I love to get the approval of others. I always check check and double check with a friend that my outfit isn't a total mess, I make my sister straighten my hair twice to make sure it looks okay, I ask for advice time and time again... it's definitely OCD level at this point, and it was something I wanted to change as part of a 2018 resolution.
To rewind, I said at the beginning of this post that I spent the last week missing someone, someone I loved for a very long time, but someone who chose to walk out of my life.
I turned to friends - any friend, anyone who would listen - for advice. In my head I thought "okay, so-and-so said to do this, so I'll do it." And then I realized that what other people told me to do, or how they thought I felt, wasn't right for me at all.
Why do we look to others for advice so often? Why do we read self help books and memorize online workout plans and read blogs and check our own plans against the plans of others?
This week, I realized that what's right for me might not make sense to anyone else. And that's okay! Because like I said before, plans change - people change. I love everyone who has tried to talk sense to me and give me advice and help me along my path - but that's why everyone has their own path.
I love this blog because it keeps me accountable. Once I put something on here, out into the universe, I feel like I have to follow through. So, in 2018, I want to look to others less. I want to hold my own hand so to speak. I will probably still ask one million and one times if my outfit looks okay, but I'll try to work on all the other insecurities. What's right for me, might not be right for anyone else - and that's okay.
Oh, and about the people who have walked out of my life -- maybe they'll get a post of their own someday.
Until next time,