Read all of my musings of the world, unedited.
This last week sucked.
Aside from having some complete mental breakdowns over graduate exams, papers and assignments - this week was complete with strained friendships, fighting and a very sad Briana sobbing in the bathroom of a Boston night club.
So yes, another totally crappy week.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
For almost the last month, all of my posts have been about how down or lonely or tired or anxious I am.
I’ll be honest - this past weekend I was not feeling myself. I left that nightclub feeling more depressed and lonely than I have in a really, really long time.
Something you may not know about me is that throughout high school and college I suffered with pretty severe anxiety and depression. That may surprise some of you because all you know me as is the girl with the bow in her hair - but my closest friends know that my mind can go to some pretty dark places sometimes. And that’s where I was at this weekend.
Monday morning, I woke up and still felt on edge. And I didn’t feel like me. And then I realized — this situation was all about perspective.
All weekend, I CHOSE to feel dejected and unwanted and lonely. I put myself in situations I didn’t want to be in in order to make others happy. I put others before myself, as I tend to do, because I did not want to cause an issue. And what happened? I let my feelings bottle up until I exploded in a very public way.
So Monday, I decided to try something new.
This week was all about perspective. This year has been SO HARD for me - if you’ve been with me since the beginning you’ve seen this. Graduation, losing touch with my best friend, finding out who I was after a painful break up, having a near death experience when I totaled my car and a telephone pole almost crushed me, one of my best friends considered taking his own life, my family has almost been torn apart over financial issues and sending my sister to college, finding out who I am and what I want to be and being scared and alone and lost in a sea of unknown.
Hard times make you GROW. They make you STRONGER.
So yeah, this last month really really sucked. But maybe a few months or years down the road I’ll be able to turn around and think about how far I’ve come. How happy I am to have worked so hard for my masters degree. How lucky I am to have a family who supports me and loves me (and still lets me live at home rent free).
I am lucky and I am healthy and those are two things I should absolutely thank my lucky stars for.
I have best friends that I would literally die for to make sure they were happy. I hope they’re in my life forever.
I have a beautiful home and a supportive family and a great support system. And none of those suck.
You see, it’s all about perspective. Maybe we have really awful and crappy times so we can learn to really appreciate the best times once they come along.
Thank you for tuning in every week, and thank you for being a part of something that brings me such happiness every Friday.
Until next time,